Failed Expectations: You Can’t Prepare For Everything

When I decided to become an author, I took the warnings very seriously. I would get thousands of rejection letters. It would take years to find an agent willing to take my first book. Publishing one book didn’t mean I would be a successful full-time writer. When I had several books out, some publishers, book reviewers, and even other authors would trash my work. I understood all this and braced myself for what was to come.

Or so I thought.

My Failed Expectations

What I didn’t realize was that the failed expectations happen before you even have a completed book. Because the book industry is a tight-knit, small community, it’s hard to break into the group. In the last three months, I have had two major disappointments dealing with other professionals in the field. Now, I’m not saying these professionals were at fault, but something occurred to make them unable to fulfill their obligation to me.

Both instances had nothing to do with rejecting my book. Actually, they were paid opportunities for me to learn from an experienced professional. I wanted to learn more so I could do better. Both chances were snatched away from me.

You’re probably thinking I’m being dramatic. But I’m passionate about writing, and learning one-on-one from someone who’s big in the publishing industry was a chance to validate my work. An opportunity to make sure I’m on the right track. It was a major step in my career to get these industry giants’ input on my work, and that validation was taken from me.

My purpose here is not to complain. I want to let you know that disappointment comes in ways outside of your book. You can’t prepare for everything. Despite how I told myself I was ready for rejections, I failed to consider simple disappointment. So, whether you find yourself slapped in the face with rejection or failed expectations, I’m going to give you some tips I used to cope with the depression that followed my major set backs.

Writers’ Coping Tools

1.Don’t Stop Writing

I don’t mean this in a long-term sense. If one set back makes you want to quit writing all together, then you shouldn’t be a writer. The road is too long and hard for someone who isn’t completely dedicated to it.

What I mean is don’t take a few days off to mourn your loss. Keep writing daily. For me, writing is my pick-me-up. The longer I go without weaving a story, the more sour my mood becomes.

I made this mistake the first time disappointment struck, and I felt myself continue to spiral down. I kept saying I’d write tomorrow and ate way too much ice cream in the meantime. When I absolutely had to write to meet a deadline, I felt my spirits lift. After a week of consistent writing, I was back to functioning normally again.

So, if writing is what makes you feel alive and happy, don’t push it off when you’re down. Throw yourself into it even more.

2. Write Your Feelings

Some of the most powerful writing comes from a place of intimate knowledge. If you’re feeling depressed, jump to a scene in your story when a character is feeling loss as well. Pour your heart into it. It’s therapeutic, and it’s profitable. If you don’t have one of those scenes to write, compose a short story. You never know when it will come in handy.

I must give credit where it is due. This was my friend’s idea. When I was riding my first depression, she tasked me with writing a scene where I could mourn my loss through my character. It was such an excellent idea, I had to share it with you.

3. Talk It Out

I mentioned my friend gave me a helpful outlet for my frustration, and that leads to the biggest tip of all: spend time with good people. It’s embarrassing how many times I complained about my disappointment to various people, but it helped me get it out. Not only that, but then those people encouraged me and helped me see things differently.

My second failed expectation was actually solved by someone who saw an opportunity to still get what I needed in a different way. Without that outside perspective, I would have completely missed out instead of just missing a portion of it.

Writing is a solo journey, but humans are not meant to be alone. We need a support system to lean on, especially in times of rejection and loss. Don’t drop your responsibility to write, but make sure you have time with good people too. We are meant to edify one another, after all.

Final Thoughts

That’s all my advice for this week. I hope that my experience will help you on your journey. If you’re going through one of these moments now, just remember that every writer has been there and will be again. Keep moving forward, and something good will happen.

Thanks for reading!

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