Reducing Word Count: Losing That 10% (Or More)

I’ve heard it said several times by professionals that the final draft of your book should be at least 10% shorter than your first draft. This happens because you cut out the excess—both in scenes and in words. It may seem daunting, but, in my experience, it’s more tedious than difficult.

Personal Experience

I recently won 1^st Place in a local writing competition for one of my short stories (A Steep Price), and the maximum word count was 750 words. When I first wrote the story, it was double that length. Now, I did have to cut out some scenes and details to get it under the word limit (and I personally liked it better with those additions), but most of the fat trimmed off the story was just word choice. 

Cutting Words

I already did a post on repetition and how it can detract from your writing, but I wanted to give an example here of what is looks like to cut out words. Let me give you an example from my short story.

The boy turns but keeps his eyes averted from me. Instead, he stares down at his lover. This is the moment. I increase the fiery sensation in the girl’s joints and watch her wince. The couple is too in love to back out for themselves. But, if the boy thought he’d save her pain, he might just turn back to me.

The boy turns and stares down at his lover. I flare up the arthritis in her joints, thinking he’d glance at me if he thought it would save her from pain.

The above paragraph went from 61 words to 31 in the revision. The deletions came from using precise words, cutting out repetition, and letting the readers come to their own conclusions.

I used arthritis instead of fiery sensation, because it’s clearer what I’m talking about and, although we haven’t all had arthritis, we generally know what it’s supposed to feel like.

Next, there were several cuts to where the boy gazes. I didn’t need to say his eyes were not looking at the narrator because it’s obvious when I state he is looking at his lover.

Lastly, I took the leap of faith that readers would understand the amount of love the couple shared. If I mentioned he would do something to save his lover from pain, it’s obvious the couple is really in love.

Now, it seems easy when you look at it spelled out like this, but it took me several revisions to identify the unnecessary parts. The good thing is that, once you learn how to spot and trim off the fat, it’s a rather quick process.

Cutting Scenes And Details

You need to make sure that each scene and character in your story is not repetitive. If you have two buddies whose job is to build up the main character, then cut one. You only need one person to do each job, and, for each character you cut, you lose a chunk of your word count. Same thing with scenes, if the protagonist is learning how to shoot a gun in one scene, don’t do another scene with him practicing shooting. You can allude to it through narration that he did practice, but don’t show it multiple times.

When it comes to cutting out scenes and details, you need to be careful that losing those bits doesn’t change the tone of the story. When I did the initial rewrite of my short story and gave it to some readers for feedback, two out of three people said it was a really dark story. I was shocked. Yes, it wasn’t all rainbows and unicorns, but I thought it ended with a hopeful tone. 

The problem was I had the full story in my head. My readers didn’t. When I went through and cut out scenes, I accidentally removed the parts that lightened the story. Without the humor and the hint of hope at the end, it was a dismal story. So, when you rewrite, make sure you pay attention to the tone of each piece you cut. If you take out all the bad, there will be no tension. If you take out all the good, it’ll be depressing. Make sure you keep it balanced.

Final Thoughts: Surprise Bonus!

Continue reading below for the final version of A Steep Price that won the competition.

A Steep Price

Despite what you’ve heard, I don’t enjoy preying on the young and hopeful. But you have to admit, they make easy targets.

Take the couple sitting in my living room. If they were fictional characters, they’d be Romeo and Juliet. Young, in love, and willing to risk anything to escape those trying to separate them.

“You’ll pay the price?” I ask.

The couple’s eyes meet.

“Yes,” the boy says. “We’ll pay anything to guarantee our love will last.”

I grunt at the cheesy line that I’ve heard a thousand times. Couples come from everywhere for my magic—the kind that assures love never fades. For a price, naturally.

“You’ll live the remainder of your days in old age and won’t be able to return home,” I say.

“You mean we’ll die soon?” The girl’s wide eyes meet mine.

“No, you’ll live the same number of decades you would have lived if I didn’t intervene. You’ll just be elderly.”

Both young faces light up. The ignorance of youth telling them the price isn’t so bad.

But they’ll start life with no home or friends. Getting work will be next to impossible. They will never have kids. Daily pains, and other inadequacies people never talk about, will plague them.

Oh well. Eighty-four percent of couples take my deals. It’s when the reality of the price hits that the majority back out. And by majority, I actually mean all.

Magic comes at a cost. I asked for the power to curse anyone, and now I’m cursed to dwell in this house forever. Never feeling the grass beneath my feet or the rain against my face again. Of course, there’s always a loophole.

“We’ll do it,” the boy says.

“Then have a blessed life.” I walk to the door and wave them out. They don’t budge.

“Don’t we need to sign or give blood?” the girl asks.

I cackle. Not because it’s funny, but it adds to the theatrics. You’d be surprised how I entertain myself now that I’m homebound.

I shake my head. There’s another shared glance between them, but they exit.

“The change happens as you walk down my path,” I say in a foreboding voice. “But, there’s a loophole. If you start to feel the effects and want to change your minds, simply glance at me. I’ll take away your burdens.”

They’ll die. But no need to tell them that.

“The offer expires once you’re off my property,” I say.

They clasp hands and walk away. Just a few steps, and their appearance decays. Taut skin relaxes into folds, and their posture begins to stoop. Color bleeds from their hair.

But I don’t stop at skin-deep.

Cataracts blur their vision. I put the equivalent of cotton balls in their ears, with a touch of incessant ringing. Arthritis sets in, and they shift from stepping to shuffling. Their movements grow slower until they halt.

The boy turns and stares down at his lover. I flare up the arthritis in her joints, thinking he’d glance at me if he thought it would save her from pain.

She winces. 

His head begins to swivel. 

I smile.

But then the girl presses her free hand to his chest, saying something I can’t hear. Apparently, neither could he because he leans closer. Her mouth moves again, and he slowly nods. 

The boy removes her hand, and I’m ready to smite them into pillars of salt. But he tucks her hand over his arm, and they amble forward. Leaning into one another, neither even looks sideways until they cross my property line.

The crushing weight of my power lessens as some of my magic drains. My eyes water until they leak. The rain starts as it always does after visitors, only this time there’s no statues to disintegrate.

Finally.

The couple stand a little straighter, and I hope it means some of their curse was lifted too. Afterall, they did help me with my own loophole. You see, every couple whose love outlasts my curses drains some of my power. Until one day, I’ll be free.

My secret is I can’t give anyone a lifetime of love. I simply test if there’s enough dedication to make love last through the worst trials.

But no one would visit if they knew. So, I spread my lies. Hear me, all you who desire love. What price would you pay for a love guaranteed to last a lifetime? If your answer is everything, I look forward to your visit.

But Wait, There’s More!

On Thursday, I will post the full (but still condescend) version of the story. It includes some extra details and scenes that I think give the story more depth. While less is generally more, there are some times when a few more details make all the difference.

Thanks for reading!

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