Let’s dive into character development once more for our Character Under A Microscope series and talk about how your characters receive and show affection for each other. It’s commonly accepted that there are five love languages for people in the real world, and that can spill over into your story as well. Below are the five love languages that can be used in fiction.
Five Love Languages
The five love languages are: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. When you read through these, make sure you think not just about how each character receives love but also how they show it. While one person may feel love when someone spends quality time with them, they may show love by acts of service. People can have the same love language for both giving and receiving, but not everyone will be that simple.
Words Of Affirmation
Words of affirmation are compliments, encouragement, praise, and spoken affection. People with this love language thrive on positive words. They often shrink from harsh words and can dwell on them for a long time.
If your character needs this type of love language, he will crave to be around those who speak uplifting words. His friends will be those who are encouraging and positive, and he will avoid anyone who is curt or sarcastic. He’ll want his lover to tell him “I love you” first.
If the character speaks in this love language, he’ll give out compliments and encouragement. He won’t mind being around pessimistic personalities since he will be the one giving words of affirmation and not necessary need them himself. He will often be the one in a relationship to say “I love you” first.
Opportunities For Tension
One way you can create tension with this love language is to put your character with someone who isn’t encouraging. That could be someone who is just silent or someone who talks negatively. You could also have your character speak words of affection to someone who doesn’t like compliments, creating awkward situations.
Acts Of Service
Acts of service is when someone does something to ease another person’s load without being asked. Some examples are doing a house chore even though it isn’t his turn, fixing a squeaky door hinge, or building a bookshelf for the books piled on the floor. Any thoughtful act done to help another person falls into this category. On the other hand, these people will dislike anyone who is lazy or breaks promises.
When your character needs this kind of love language, he’ll befriend people who are observant, active, and self-starters. He’ll like a significant other who is thoughtful and willing to commit time to making his life easier. He will avoid lazy people or those who “don’t like to get their hands dirty.”
If he speaks in acts of service, he’ll constantly be doing things for others. He’ll pay attention to what needs to be done and fill the roles that can help others around him. He won’t mind being around someone who is lazy since he would rather keep busy doing things for the other person.
Opportunities For Tension
Tension can arise with these people when you have someone who needs acts of service but is surrounded by lazy or inconsiderate people. This person will also be more likely to get upset at others for not doing more than their part, especially if they are done with their chores and he still has some to do. If acts of service are how the character expresses love, he could enter into an unhealthily relationship with a lazy person who takes advantage of his willingness to help.
Receiving Gifts
Receiving gifts is all about getting something thoughtful from someone else. It doesn’t have to be expensive, but there needs to be meaning behind it. A generic gift or forgotten special day will aggravate this person. In a relationship, this is the person who wants cards, chocolates, and other gifts on a normal basis.
If your character needs this love language, he will prefer to be around others who aren’t stingy but giving. He needs friends who are mindful of special occasions or even just likes to give “I thought of you” gifts. He will treasure presentation and thoughtfulness, not efficiency. He’d rather have a handmade card than a greeting card bought at a checkout register. Anyone who is a minimalist will most likely not be a close friend or lover.
When a person shows love by giving gifts, he will willingly designate money and resources to getting new things for those he loves. He’ll have a gift for each holiday and often buy things without a reason. He feels great if someone loves his gift but will be crushed if someone doesn’t. Sometimes, even throwing away a greeting card can seem like an insult to him.
Opportunities For Tension
Building tension with someone who likes receiving gifts is as simple as not making those characters around him think of gifts. Maybe they don’t remember special days or only buy generic presents. A person who speaks in this love language will be put off by anyone who doesn’t appreciate their gifts or refuses to take them.
Quality Time
Quality time is when someone thrives on having someone else’s full attention. They crave one-on-one time, not group activities. These people need others to be mentally present during conversations and interested in what they say. They dislike anyone who is distracted while talking to them (like playing on their phones) or tunes them out.
When a character needs quality time to feel loved, he’ll tend to have friends who are introverts and like to spend time one-on-one. He seeks out people who don’t need to always be busy and moving. He’ll find those who can just be content to exist beside him and not worry about the million other things that need to be done.
If his spoken love language is quality time, he’ll try to always find a way to spend time with those he loves. This could include taking them on outings or having regular sit down dinners. He will want to have heart-to-heart talks where he can listen to the other person and help them through any struggle. He won’t connect well with people who always want to be surrounded by a large group of people because he’ll have a hard time showing individual interest in all his friends at once.
Opportunities For Tension
To build tension with this character, have him in a relationship where the other person is always busy. Or, you can have different events pop up that always ruin the one-on-one time they have planned. If quality time is how he shows his love, you could have him in a relationship with someone who is fiercely independent. The person may not like to have heart-to-heart talks. Or, the lover or friend may find him needy with his constant demand for time together.
Physical Touch
Physical touch is when you need the physical assurance that someone is there and likes you. It can be hugs, holding hands, kisses, or just sitting beside one another with shoulders touching. The touches make them feel accepted and not alone. It’s a sign of safety. On the other hand, withholding touch can be seen as rejection, disgust, and indifference toward him.
A character who needs physical touch will show it in the way he interacts with others. He’ll sit closer so the other person has the opportunity to reach out to him. He’ll pick friends who like hugs and feel awkward around those who don’t. In a relationship, he’ll need constant reassurance through things like hand-holding and kisses to prove he is loved.
When a character shows love this way, he will bring touch into every encounter. He’ll be a hugger. He may stand closer when having a discussion and talk with his hands, touching the other person’s shoulder or arm every now and then. When going out to eat, he’ll prefer to sit beside the other person instead of across the table. With a significant other, this character will want to move quickly into a physical relationship.
Opportunities For Tension
An obvious way to create tension with this character is to pair him with someone who is averse to touch, maybe due to a past tragedy. If he likes to show love through touch, you can pair him with someone compatible but who gets jealous with how he interacts with other people. Another way to create tension is to put him in a culture or situation where touch is forbidden.
Final Thoughts
The five love languages are a common concept, especially for couples therapy. I feel like everyone has a primary and a secondary love language, and that language can change depending on if you are expressing or receiving affection. Try to use these ways of showing love in your story so each person feels unique. Also, by picking how your characters approach love before you start your story, you can make sure they act consistently throughout the whole book. Then you can use those reactions to create and build tension between friends, family, and lovers until the end of the story.
Thanks for reading!
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