Let’s examine character development in another Character Under A Microscope post. Today, I want to talk about grieving. If you’re writing your story right, the protagonist should go through many trials and eventually end up in an All is Lost moment and a Dark Night of the Soul moment. At some point in the story, the character will be at his absolute lowest after he’s lost something or someone important. In this dark moment, your character needs to grieve, but mourning a loss doesn’t look the same for everyone. If all your books have the protagonists dropping to their knees in tears when things get hard, they will feel like cookie cutter characters. Let’s look at five different ways a character can grieve based on how people tend to react to loss in real life.
Manic
A manic griever is someone who mourns by pushing themselves too hard to keep busy. They may blame themselves for the loss, and they’ll push extra hard to make up for that perceived fault. They must do better and be better, even if they kill themselves trying to achieve it. Manic grievers are afraid of stillness and silence. They must keep going or they may breakdown, which won’t fix anything.
Often, manic grievers feel better when they get something done or make something better. If they can’t bring back their loved one, they may focus on caring for someone else (perhaps to an extreme level that harms that person). If they lost their good reputation, they may try to help others to a point that isn’t helpful. Or, they could simply focus on small things like organizing a kitchen or creating minute-by-minute agendas. Anything to keep busy. Whatever they do though, it will be overboard and potentially harmful to self or others.
Explosive
Explosive grievers are the type that react with anger. They may beat themselves up for the loss or project the fault on others. They won’t be in a good mood and often have short fuses. Any small thing that goes wrong will set them off. They could just react by yelling, or it may get physical. Often, explosive grievers don’t want to be seen as weak and rather lash out than cry.
These people tend to need an outlet to release all the grief. They may do rigorous workouts, get into fights, or do extreme sports. Explosive grievers feel relief when they are exhausted. Because they’re seeking adrenaline rushes to give them dopamine to cope, they will often push their bodies too hard and cause themselves harm.
Numb
Numb grievers are those that often go into shock when faced with loss. They will have a hard time feeling emotions and their actions will be robotic. They’ll fall into routines and complete them without thinking. They don’t just lie around, but they also don’t actively seek to do anything either. This emptiness inside them means they’ll go through daily life in a daze. They’ll be easily confused and often absentminded, making many mistakes in whatever they do.
These grievers are hard to make feel better as they are not able to process the loss enough to find ways to get past it. Often, it takes an external source to snap them out of it. These grievers actually depend heavily on others to get them through their mourning. Because numb grievers are creatures of habit, they may neglect taking care of themselves or others if the routine is broken. If a phone call comes when they would normally eat, they may not eat until the next meal unless an external source prompts it. They may also lose track of time, also ending in neglect of their responsibilities.
Suppressive
Suppressive grievers are those who respond to loss with denial. They refuse to accept the truth and pretend nothing happened. Unlike numb grievers, those in denial know they have suffered a loss but choose to suppress it instead of just processing it. They’ll push all their feelings down and act like everything’s okay. They will smile, laugh, and avoid anything that reminds them of the truth.
The only way for suppressive grievers to move on from their grief is to face it. They will eventually bottle up too many emotions that will explode out in some way. They may break down crying, get angry, or fall into another strong emotional reaction. The main harm these grievers do is to their own mental health. They keep all the negativity inside and it will build up, which can wear down their body making them sick as well.
Depressed
The last type of grievers is those who suffer from full depression. Obviously, anyone who deals with loss gets sad, but depressed grievers go beyond just sadness. They have a lack of will to do anything and will constantly feel exhausted. They won’t want to get out of bed in the morning, eat, or see friends. These people often wallow in self-pity. The difference between these people and numb grievers is that depressed grievers are processing their loss and they have no desire to keep living life as normal. Numb grievers, on the other hand, have no problem continuing daily life, but they can’t process the loss.
Depressed grievers need time to cry and wallow, but they will eventually have to get out of their own heads to feel better. They’ll need a wake-up call that life can still be good. Often this comes by focusing on others instead of themselves. By making others’ lives better, eventually they’ll get past their loss and have present goodness and connections to focus on. This switch in mindsets will get them out of their self-pity and back to living.
Final Thoughts
This isn’t a very upbeat topic, but it’s important to make sure your characters respond to grief in realistic ways. Not everyone cries when faced with hard times. Yes, they may all cry eventually, but showing different ways to respond to loss will make them feel more realistic and relatable to readers. If you do it right, the readers will feel like they’re grieving right along with the protagonist.
Thanks for reading!
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