It’s time to dig back into the nitty gritty details of character development again. In this post, I want to go into how your characters deal with confrontation. In any book, characters will clash with other characters, hopefully more than once! Let’s look at different ways your characters can approach that conflict. If you missed any of the previous posts on Character Under a Microscope, you can click here to see all the previous topics.
Confrontation Goals
Confrontation occurs when conflict arises between two or more people and they have to discuss the issue to resolve it. Most people don’t enjoy confrontation, but eventually everyone has to do it—especially characters we purposefully write into as many conflicts as possible. When entering into a confrontation, there are five different goals a person can pursue.
1. Avoidance
Some people’s goal when it comes to confrontation is to avoid it. They want to ignore the situation and hope it goes away by itself. This can be a fun one to write for characters since you get to come up with all the ways they can work around a problem, probably just making it an even bigger problem. Yet, while this is great for building tension, the character will have to eventually confront the issue or the book won’t end well. So, use this avoidance for some of your characters, but make sure you pick another goal that they finally switch to in the end.
2. Competition
Certain people go into confrontation like it’s a competition. They just want to win. These people are not flexible and will push others to get what they want. It’s a strategy that whoever is the strongest will come out on top. Characters who enter a confrontation like this will be stubborn, close-minded, and unwavering. Those qualities don’t necessary mean they are an unlikable character though. Think of Captain America and his unyielding morals. He is millions of people’s favorite superhero, but he does not often compromise.
3. Accommodation
A person who enters a confrontation with the goal of accommodation is going to concede to the other party. These people either don’t have strong convictions about what they want or are too afraid to upset other people to go after their own desires. They sacrifice their own needs for other people. You have to be careful when you have one of these characters in your story. If your character is always rolling over to give others what they want, the lack of tension may bore your readers. A good way to add tension is to show your character’s internal conflict grow with each point they conceded to others. Eventually, that internal tension will explode to external conflict, forcing your character to pick one of the other confrontation goals.
4. Compromise
Most people go into a confrontation with the idea of compromise. They want to find a solution to the problem that allows them to give and get a little. Neither party will get everything they want, but both will get enough to satisfy them. Characters who want to compromise can be complex to write. They usually want to come to an understanding, but, if the other person isn’t willing, it makes for a dilemma. Compromise requires both parties to be flexible. If the other person isn’t, then the character has to figure out what other confrontation goal to settle on. Will the goal change to avoidance? Accommodation? Competition? You have to decide how your character will respond to an unwilling second party.
5. Collaboration
Collaboration is a confrontation goal most people never think to pursue. When people want to collaborate to fix an issue, they work together to find a solution that completely satisfy each party. Each person has to be open and empathetic to the other. This goal is hard to explain so I’m going to give an example.
Let’s say a young married couple are invited to the woman’s workplace party. The woman wants to go, and the man doesn’t. A compromise would be to go for only an hour, but neither person will really be happy with that solution. So, instead, they talk about the issue and identify what the underlying reasons are for each person’s want. The man is shy and doesn’t feel comfortable around the woman’s coworkers, and the woman just wants to get out of the house and do something with friends. Hence, they invite a neighbor couple they both like to go on a double date. Both get what they want even though it’s not what either originally said they wanted.
Confrontation Approaches
On top of confrontations having various goals, there are many different approaches people take for these discussions. I’m going to list five major ways I’ve seen people approach a confrontation, but keep in mind there may be others.
1. Passive Aggressive
There are people who don’t want to look like they are seeking out confrontation so they instigate it with passive aggression. The person will make snide comments that hint at his displeasure. He’ll hope the other person will correct the problem without arguing about it. Or, he could provoke the other person into starting the argument so he looks innocent. Depending on what confrontation goals the other person has, the conflict will either go away without further talk or escalate to a full argument.
2. Apologetic
Many people start a confrontation by apologizing and playing the martyr. He’ll start by saying the issue may be his fault, and then try to convince the other person to compromise or accommodate his requests. While self-deprecation can make the confrontation seem nicer, the person doing it isn’t always nice. Some will be apologetic because they genuinely don’t want to hurt the other person, and others will use it to guilt-trip people into doing what they want.
3. Explosive
Some confrontation approaches are explosive arguments. He’ll shout and yell, venting his anger or frustration. Typically, even if the other person immediately accommodates his demands, these people will still need to vent out the emotion. Sometimes it’s by grumbling afterwards or slamming a door. But, once the strong emotion has passed, he doesn’t usually hold onto the issue and stew over it.
4. Timid
Many people hate confrontation so they approach it in a timid manner. He’ll try to soften his voice, use body language that makes him look smaller and less threatening, and typically talk around the issue. It’s very hard for him to outright say something mean or admit he feels hurt. Only extreme situations will provoke him enough to actually confront someone. Often, he’ll just pick avoidance.
5. Logical
A logical approach to a confrontation is when someone has a clear plan. He’ll come into the discussion calm, evaluate what’s said, and find a solution. Or, if his goal is a competition, he’ll come ready with all the reasons he is right and the other person should accommodate him. It can be very hard to change the mind of someone who approaches confrontation with a logical approach. He often has already thought through everything and thinks he has the best solution. If the other person can present new information though, people with a logical approach can be swayed to a different resolution.
Final Thoughts
Confrontation is something everyone has to endure, and characters should definitely see it more than once in a story. When your characters have to deal with confrontation, look at their personalities and decide what approach and goal they will have going into the scene. But remember, make sure all your main characters have a different way of doing it so they each feel more unique and realistic.
Thanks for reading!
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