Dependent clauses are useful when telling a story. It can help vary your sentence structure and enable you to form more complex sentences to convey more meaning. Though they are a useful tool, they often get misused. I would like to share two ways I see this done the most: simultaneous clauses and dangling participles.
Before we dive in, I want to clarify what independent and dependent clauses are in a sentence. Independent clauses contain a subject and verb, and they can stand alone as a coherent sentence. An example is: I ate cookies. A dependent clause can contain a subject and verb, but it does not make sense on its own. For instance: After she yelled at me. These clauses have to link to an independent clause in order to form a complete thought: After she yelled at me, I ate cookies. Some dependent clauses do not have a subject: Sitting in the kitchen, I ate cookies. The rule of thumb is if you can’t say it by itself and it make sense, then it’s a dependent clause.
Simultaneous Clauses
Simultaneous clauses are when you have a dependent clause and an independent clause linked together that indicate both actions are taking place at the same time. Typically, the dependent clause uses a word like when, while, or as. Here are some examples.
When the rain started, I was walking home.
While cooking dinner, I listened to music.
As the sun set over the horizon, I sipped my coffee.
These can be helpful clauses when telling a story, but they can also be misused. Consider the following example.
When I arrived at the door, I opened it.
This sounds good on the surface, but can you really arrive at a door and open it at the same time? I suppose it’s possible if you have telekinetic powers. However, most people open a door after they get to it. A better sentence would follow the action sequentially.
After I arrived at the door, I opened it.
Types Of Simultaneous Clauses
Simultaneous clauses can be separated into two categories: ones with multiple subjects and ones with a single subject.
Multiple subjects mean it’s possible to complete both actions at the same time. Read the examples above again. Rain can fall and I can walk at the same time. The sun can set and I can sip coffee simultaneously. Both sentences have two different subjects so simultaneous action is possible.
A single subject means you need to look closer to make sure the actions are possible at the same time. I can cook dinner and listen to music at the same time. I can’t arrive at a door and open it at the same time. When you have a single subject for two simultaneous action clauses, ask yourself if you could do both actions at the same time. If the answer is yes, then keep it. If you can’t, try using a sequential word in your dependent clause (after, before, once, etc.). You can also make it two independent clauses instead (I arrived at the door, and I opened it.). Having a variation in sentence structure is good for writing, but in storytelling a simple sentence is often the best way to convey meaning.
Dangling Participles
A dangling participle is when your dependent clause is supposed to modify a noun but that noun is not in the independent clause. Here are some examples.
Looking out the window, the wind whipped the trees in a swaying motion.
Opening her eyes, the lights made stars in her vision.
Reaching for the gun, his hand shook.
When you read these sentences, they may sound alright to you. It may even come across as poetic. The problem is that the dependent clause doesn’t modify the subject of the independent clause. The wind can’t look out the window, the lights can’t open their eyes, and, despite what you might initially think, a hand can’t reach. Dependent clauses with this –ing structure must modify the first noun in the independent clause. These sentences can be fixed by adding the correct subject right after the dependent clause.
Looking out the window, he saw the wind whipping the trees in a swaying motion.
Opening her eyes, she had stars in her vision from the lights.
Reaching for the gun, he saw his hand shake.
Now, just because these sentences can be fixed in this manner doesn’t mean it’s the best way to write them. The sentence often turns out clunky so playing around with the words can make it more impactful.
He looked out the window and saw the wind whipping the trees in a swaying motion.
She opened her eyes, but the lights made stars in her vision.
His hand shook as he reached for the gun.
Final Thoughts
A lot of the writer’s work is done in rearranging words for a clear and impactful meaning. You have to be willing to do surgery on your sentences so that they read smoothly and coherently. I know it can get tedious, but these little details are what make a writer go from amateur to professional. Although writing is a fun job, it still takes hard work and dedication to do it well.
Thanks for reading!
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